13th July 2016.

I see you, walking in bodies of three

The good, the bad, the ugly

Wandering like the sanctified feet of Moses

Casting out your hands in gestures of utterances

Looking like your mind is bounded by the lines of your salvation on opposite sight

I see, you’ve let go of memories of me

Your infatuation has ceased over these many inordinate years

Your need for me to teach you my mother’s tongue has out grown you

You no longer recognise the tribes on my face

The parted sea in my mouth

The staff behind my words

Your choice of me to be the mark or the henry. Both on a bad day

I see you are no longer checking for me

You’ve found yourself another target, haven’t you?

She’s good, she’s pretty, she is the one whose tongue you do not envy as much

She is plain, isn’t she?

I see you, walking back in bodies of three

I never expected less, you always looked like you’d be the one to make it

We did too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There Is Always a Conversation!

I find it hard to escape my thoughts. There always seem to be some form of conversation going on and it irritates me. Sometimes I catch myself catching myself in my stream of thinking and it frustrates me. I spend so much time in my head that nothing ever just happens to me. I have always noticed this frustrating mind cycle and it has always bothered me but I can never just seem to stop. some days I spend time praying for things to just happen to me without my awareness or permission. Like talking to a taxi driver for over half an hour about everything life, knowledge and Africans for over half an hour while he waits for me to catch my coach. It sounds mundane but that kind of thing doesn’t just happen to me. Something completely unplanned. Something I have not coined up in my many conversations. So, for something like that to happen, forever leaves an impression on me because I don’t have to pressure myself to speak about God but somehow, He casually just flows through the conversation. All that to say, I struggle a lot with the pressure of creating every moment rather than just allowing them to just happen and just enjoy and be present in the moment.

This is something that affects many areas of my life and it is just frustrating to say the least. I find that it affects my relationship with God also and I honestly do not know how to work with these conversations forever going on within. I was watching this comedian who said something so profound. He said ‘sometimes your setback is actually preparation for your comeback’ ‘so the things that looked like it was working against you are actually the things God is using to prepare you for what he will have you do’ but sometimes I feel like it’s easier to identify those things in other than in myself. I am forever trying to look within to identify what part of this statement speaks life into my many setbacks and I cannot say I have the best perspective to see it and maybe that is my issue. I am always trying to understand everything before I do and think things through all the time and come up with these possible scenarios that I see working in my favour that I ruin every possibility of just living in the moment and just enjoying it. So maybe I don’t need to comprehend what God is doing in terms of understanding the bigger picture just yet, maybe I just need to say ‘hey, what the hell! I’ll just go along and see what happens’.

Another thing is, I don’t like to leave anything without any form of resolution in sight. I learnt from a mentor of mine that sometimes, instead of being in a rush to fix something, maybe just stay in that moment, that feeling and acknowledge whatever that moment or feeling is even if it’s in a state of the uncomfortable’. Because people are always so quick to fix things, fix people and no one ever just stays in that place long enough to see what happens next. Honestly, with the pressure of having a platform like this based on God, I had to be reminded what this platform stood for, Yes, I love speaking from Scriptures but at the same time, this is also a platform to share parts and pieces of my journey and I don’t know why I have grown so scared to share this part of my journey on here which meant somehow turning this into a one dimension platform.

Yes, I love God and love to learn and impart others as I learn but in addition to that, I started this platform to support the intricate part of my journey and I guess this is me shutting down the conversation within about trying to BE for myself all God has called me to be out of my own way and understanding but starting over by saying ‘hey, what the hell! I’ll just go along and see what happens’.

Guess what. The conversations stopped.

Day Eight ❤️

Dear meSober up on yesterday, when 

Your very presence played harlot with your mind 

Rendering your hands as the barren woman who awaits the homecoming of her presence.

Knowing where your presence has been, still 

She calls cite memories of potential and ambition that belongs to you.

Day Seven ❤️

Dear me. You are accounted for.

Woven together in your mother’s womb. Where,

The nights of woman asked to hide you,

Only shines light on every intricate parts. You are,

Complexity for a name,

Your every moment laid out

Even before a single day has passed.

His workmanship is marvellous and your every breath is all that is required.

Day Three ❤️

Dear me,

You’ve survived over two decades now, Long enough to learn of the two rulers in this utopian land;

You will still come to realise their significance and that one will always be greater than the other.

You will get to understand their characters and where you think their flaws lies.

Day Six ❤️

Dear me Dare to live a life in the uncomfortable

Dare to speak volumes of the One you know

Dare to write library for the One you love

Let His truth be a gushing river of enough,

to fill your innermost being.

You are the journalist,

The poet,

The teacher.

The aftermath of the story told.

Day Five ❤️

Dear me, Unravel yourself as a miracle to the masses

Marvel at the blinding sight of your gracious potential; when

asked to cast out your arrows

Cast them and

Do not stop until

You have made oceans of knowledge, made

Mountains in understanding, and

Wisdom as countless as the sand on the seashore.

Be rest assured

That dreams are not made only for movies, your

possibility does not hide in the dream itself, rather

It is unravelled in you as the miracle to the masses.