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There Is Always a Conversation!

I find it hard to escape my thoughts. There always seem to be some form of conversation going on and it irritates me. Sometimes I catch myself catching myself in my stream of thinking and it frustrates me. I spend so much time in my head that nothing ever just happens to me. I have always noticed this frustrating mind cycle and it has always bothered me but I can never just seem to stop. some days I spend time praying for things to just happen to me without my awareness or permission. Like talking to a taxi driver for over half an hour about everything life, knowledge and Africans for over half an hour while he waits for me to catch my coach. It sounds mundane but that kind of thing doesn’t just happen to me. Something completely unplanned. Something I have not coined up in my many conversations. So, for something like that to happen, forever leaves an impression on me because I don’t have to pressure myself to speak about God but somehow, He casually just flows through the conversation. All that to say, I struggle a lot with the pressure of creating every moment rather than just allowing them to just happen and just enjoy and be present in the moment.

This is something that affects many areas of my life and it is just frustrating to say the least. I find that it affects my relationship with God also and I honestly do not know how to work with these conversations forever going on within. I was watching this comedian who said something so profound. He said ‘sometimes your setback is actually preparation for your comeback’ ‘so the things that looked like it was working against you are actually the things God is using to prepare you for what he will have you do’ but sometimes I feel like it’s easier to identify those things in other than in myself. I am forever trying to look within to identify what part of this statement speaks life into my many setbacks and I cannot say I have the best perspective to see it and maybe that is my issue. I am always trying to understand everything before I do and think things through all the time and come up with these possible scenarios that I see working in my favour that I ruin every possibility of just living in the moment and just enjoying it. So maybe I don’t need to comprehend what God is doing in terms of understanding the bigger picture just yet, maybe I just need to say ‘hey, what the hell! I’ll just go along and see what happens’.

Another thing is, I don’t like to leave anything without any form of resolution in sight. I learnt from a mentor of mine that sometimes, instead of being in a rush to fix something, maybe just stay in that moment, that feeling and acknowledge whatever that moment or feeling is even if it’s in a state of the uncomfortable’. Because people are always so quick to fix things, fix people and no one ever just stays in that place long enough to see what happens next. Honestly, with the pressure of having a platform like this based on God, I had to be reminded what this platform stood for, Yes, I love speaking from Scriptures but at the same time, this is also a platform to share parts and pieces of my journey and I don’t know why I have grown so scared to share this part of my journey on here which meant somehow turning this into a one dimension platform.

Yes, I love God and love to learn and impart others as I learn but in addition to that, I started this platform to support the intricate part of my journey and I guess this is me shutting down the conversation within about trying to BE for myself all God has called me to be out of my own way and understanding but starting over by saying ‘hey, what the hell! I’ll just go along and see what happens’.

Guess what. The conversations stopped.

Longing for a Beautiful Place of Worship.

Wheeyy-heeeyy!!!!

My very first cheeky weekly fav of 2017. I have been longing to get back into that beautiful place of worship with God. I stumbled on the beautiful sound of Elevation Worship.

Elevation Worship is formed of worshippers from Elevation Church based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Pastored by Stephen Furtick. I would describe pastor Stephen himself as a meticulous pastor with a good sense of humour. His ongoing preaching series titled ‘Work Your Window‘ based on 1 Kings 19 has been thoroughly insightful and if you love your preaching with stories attached to it; check him out at ‘Elevation Church‘ via Youtube. Now unto the music.

The group has several albums out already but their ‘Here as in Heaven’ album is LEGIT! But here are my top 7 favourites:

Peace and Love

 

A Space of Optimism.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Can you believe we are already 8 days into the new year, I honestly cannot believe that. I feel like all I do is blink and days just fly by! Anyways, it’s not how much time you have, it’s what you do with the time you have been given, that truly matters. I thought by now I would be hearing so much lip on new year resolutions but funny enough I haven’t heard many people speak on their ‘new year new me’ resolutions. If anything, listening to someone speak about how people ought to not make those ‘new year new me’ resolutions, just makes me cringe to a level 100, like we get it. That is so 2009, let’s move on, everyone else has.

Another thing that really surprised me is how so many people have come out of nowhere either putting a curse or a blessing on the year 2016. I even saw a trailer to a potential ‘year 2016’ movie. Personally, 2016 wasn’t the one for me but I am grateful it happened. I am definitely one of those who at first had to truly analyse 2016 for what it was, in order to find the beauty in it and I cannot lie, it was hard but I am better for it.

Saying I’m excited for this new year is a big stretch but also an understatement. I’m excited for what’s in store.

Speaking to a friend, she shared with me her bother on how much emphasis is placed on celebrating the new year. Her thoughts were, ‘why wait until the new year to start something and leave whatever you had been previously working on undone?’ To which I agreed, to an extent.

But as someone who enjoys and celebrates beginnings and endings of anything life has to offer, I had to explain that sometimes ‘people are appreciative for the end it brings but also the beginning’. Especially if it has been a long rocky road or the end of something negative for them and emphasising on the new year is just their way of celebrating an opportunity to create a space of optimism. Plus, living with the idea that your life is one big continuum; even though it is, seems rather daunting for many. Think of the new year as ‘recess’ before heading back to class, or a ‘bookmaker’ to aid you in continuing through chapters of your favourite novel.

I realise the new year is my favourite time of the year. You get to celebrate an ending and a beginning all in the same breath. Yes, it also helps in creating a space of optimism for one’s life. However, I’ve learnt with that comes the habit of being ‘intentional’.

I believe setting resolutions are not necessarily to be done away with, resolutions that cause some to spontaneously sign up for gym memberships only adds to one’s space of optimism for the year or until you reach your goal. I believe you ought to only count resolution as a downfall waiting to happen, once you stop being intentional about achieving the goals you’ve set.

Procrastination is a tiresome act.

Do you ever get tired of procrastinating?

Now you might think this blog post sounds like a guide for some kind of a self-help post on how to stop ‘procrastinating’ from reading the first line, however I can firmly assure you, it is NOT. Not even CLOSE.

Procrastination like the Mayweather and Pacquiao fight is a very much overrated battle. According to psychologist Professor Clarry Lay, a prominent writer on procrastination… He stated that “procrastination occurs when there is a temporal gap between an intended behavior and enacted behavior” which basically means there’s always a significant time period between when a person intends on doing something and when they actually do it.

all meI found myself in such predicament during my first year at university and I handled the situation in the worst way possible. I was a bag of mess, in-between the procrastination and the excuses, I cried for a solid three months until my first Christmas break. I cried every day because I was struggling so much and I missed home even though I practically went home every weekend assuming I had no group assignment, exams or deadlines keeping me. I went home at least 3 times a month. I was always exhausted from the studying I never did.

When it comes to procrastination, I’m sure everyone has their favorite form of procrastination such as rubbish television, stalking others on every social media forum known to man, eating, constantly going out etc; for me a decent television show did the trick. Still does.

There is an old saying that goes..

You can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

This saying is applicable in both a positive and negative way even though the stigma attached is always spun negatively.

Anyways, before embarking on my own university experience, I’d heard so much about university from my at the time teachers, family, family friends, even university students who visited my sixth form to talk about the great, thrilling and fun packed adventure that is university; can’t say it has panned out the way they’d described it to be, if anything I realised that they were simply speaking from a biased experience, as would anyone else and their university experience. I can tell you now, you will have more acquaintances than you will friends, there will be people who don’t enjoy the clubbing experience, not everyone will be a drinker like you would imagine, everyone you meet will not be interested or open share your religious beliefs, taking drugs is nothing new, you will encounter bullies  and you may or may not get accuse of rape – true story (this firmly depends on your actions during your crazy night outs). (Jeremiah 29:11 speaks)

I can remember the first week of my university orientation. Every lecturer, librarian and even the bus drivers I encountered kept saying the same thing ‘ …everyone is in the same boat as you, everyone is scared.’ Like saying that meant it would be a lot easier to settle down into this new environment filled with anxiety; as if bonding over our unnerving fears is a solid way to form any sort of relationships, but when you put an introvert in an unnerving situation, we tend to flight as oppose to fight and that is why their advice never worked for me.

University is like a three-legged sac race where both parties have to work together to complete the race or even win and in that sac is my entire life and future but without putting in an ample amount of effort, being organised and being time conscious, you will never achieve what you hope to, by when you need to.

My parents has this saying “… there is no food for a lazy man” and “certificates are not transferable” which means they have already gained their qualifications and are now living a comfortable life because of their efforts, so now it’s my turn because they cannot transfer their qualifications and achievements to help me lead a life I desire.

My first year at University was no fun roller coaster, and I procrastinated so much that I was so worried I might not even get through the academic year; I remember calling my Mum to let her know about my worries and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Mum, I don’t think I am going to pass one of my modules, and I just wanted to let you know so when you see the results you won’t be surprised.

Mum: Ehnn, what is you will not pass? What do you mean?

Me: I am struggling and I don’t understand half of what has been taught even if I go back on my notes

Mum: Then speak up, speak to your lecturers and let them know you don’t understand, is that not why you are paying tuition fees? You know me or your dad’s certificates kor wa transferable, don’t even bring rubbish report and come and meet me in this house ooo!

Me: Okay, but I am coming home next week okay?

Mum: No, don’t come, stay there and do your work first, I don’t want rubbish results, keep trying your best, you can do it! You need to pay more attention and try harder – everyone else doing the module don’t have two heads and they are not failing so why should my own daughter fail.

Me: Okay Mum

Why is it in the midst of comforting you, African parents still manage to manage to throw one, two or three jabs at you.

During my first year, I found out that in some of my subjects attendance contributed towards my overall grade so I attempted to master the art of sleeping with my eyes open – BIG FAIL! A friend of mine once brought her blanket to one of our 9am lectures, she sat at the very back of the lecture room, right after signing in herself on the register; she proceeded to sleeping through the entire lecture and when the lecture was over, she got up and walked away. The funny part was no one had to wake her up, it was like she had set herself an alarm in her head, just in time for the end of the lecture.

I am now in what is considered my third year of study at university, currently undertaking my placement year. This blog post is two years overdue. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

A wise man once said….

B-FfSAPCYAAj0MP

But when there’s a significant time period between when you intend on doing something and when you actually do it, just think –

Inspirational-Motivational-Quotes-and-Sayings-for-Living-Room-Wall-Stickers-Decorating-Ideas

@LifeofaScholar